yourplayersaidwhat:

Barbarian: can I use Speak With Animals on the goats

DM: go ahead!

Barbarian: hey goatie, have you seen anybody pass by this mountain

DM, as a Goat: FUCK YOU! THIS IS OUR ROCK!

Barbarian: HEY. FUCK YOU!

Goat: NO, FUCK YOU!

Barbarian: FUCK YOU!

Goat: FUCK YOU!

this went on for a bit longer

transmechanicus:

transmechanicus:

Posts that be like “If I were a monster that had to eat people, i would just eat horrible people~” are so absurd to me. How often do you see Known Criminals on the street? Billionaires out for a nightly stroll around town? Effectively fucking never. If I have to drag myself to the grocery store, you think it’s gonna be any easier for me to hunt Bezos and Co. every time my stomach growls? I can’t bother to plan meals more than a day in advance, how am i gonna perform whole ass detective work to confirm someone’s a serial killer before i eat them? Ya’ll got that much time on your hands? Planning 5 course meals every night of the week? Don’t make me laugh. Eat a pedestrian and tragically wrestle with guilt like the rest of us, idiot.

image

Experienced people eater weighing in with the most galaxy brain option

(via beansterpie)


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